I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
COCAINE IS GR8
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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