I think my fart just growled at me.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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