Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
