I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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