Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
it's like iHOP with fire
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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