How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
