I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
