We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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