People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
