A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
