Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
