I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
