Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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