He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
