its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
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