here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
