It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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