Already got asked if we're dating
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Panties = found
Randomize
