I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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