I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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