So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
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Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize