Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
