remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
