I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
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Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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