My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
