I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
