i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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