a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
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