i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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