Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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