One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
