so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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