We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
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He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
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It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
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