don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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