I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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