apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
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Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
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So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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