Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
