Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
