remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
