She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
