I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
