We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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