i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
