I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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