Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
