Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
