He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
