Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
