**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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