the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
