Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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