How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
