oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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