I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
