well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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