I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Floor bacon is actually really good
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
