We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
