Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
