halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
