Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
