I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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