I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
