I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
