one word: firstdatebathroomanal
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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