lets start a swedish sibling band together
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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