Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
