Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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