dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
