She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
