so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
