I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
